one month with you

It’s been one month of having you in my life and it still sometimes doesn’t seem real.

I often think how different life would have been if I still lived in Joburg; still hanging out at my favourite coffee shop with the guys tasting coffee behind the bar, being with friends who i loved and spoke often about my dreams and aspirations, shabbos dinners at my parents with Ed and Matthew and hugs and licks from Harvey underneath the table. Despite it all there was a continuous void that lingered inside me, and for so long I just don’t think I knew what it was or what it meant or represented. The constant chase to be truly ‘happy’ and fulfilled and thinking I was when I really wasn’t, or perhaps only properly realising how unhappy and alone I felt when acknowledging how far down the rabbit hole I actually was.

But, with neither of us knowing it, we are here now, coming from two very different worlds into one new one.

you in your new home.

me, with a new companion.

we’re both learning how to live with each other.

I thought a few months down the line I had filled the void I once experienced in Joburg. I do without a doubt know and feel that I am happy here; so much more content, grateful and at peace, less anxious and stressed; I feel like I am a better version of myself -specially with new friends, new experiences, and finally a work life I appreciate and feel appreciated at. The immense change of environment; the sea air and seaweed smells, mountain trails and South Easterly winds have completely changed my life; but I didn’t know I could feel happier, more content and at peace, grounded and centred, more fulfilled

until

you

came

along

you showed me how I could be even more grateful, and after so much tsores that there was still place in my heart for someone to make it’s way in. Someone as small as you are has taught me so much about life; moving on from hardships, allowing yourself to shift between experiences and people until being settled in a space where you (hopefully and finally) feel at home, to being strong after your trauma and leaving the past behind you, to no longer cowering when your heart skips a beat as you hear skaters on their boards, cars backfiring or crazies screaming and acting foolish around you. You are strong, and you have taught me how to be stronger and conquer fears, fighting off the night terrors with a husky growl and sneaky cuddle.

It has been one month of early morning bathroom breaks on the promenade, obsessing over how small your teeth are, walking for hours and hours across the Atlantic Seaboard, tagging along for iced americanos and many coffee dates, and an endless amount of reassurance of ‘good girl’ and ‘yes Shoshi’ accrediting how amazing you are and how you’re doing better each and every day.

here’s to one month with you,

the sweetest most precious little lady,

my Shoshi

 

moody yet magical monday..

it’s currently pouring with rain, one thing I seem to love/hate about summertime in Joburg… Today’s rain fits Monday perfectly. I always seem to get excited that it’s the start to a new week, it means new possibilities and exciting times ahead, but today not so much. I’m not quite sure we’re there yet, exploring my emotional side with you all, but in some ways I’ve needed to resort to writing on this gloomy Monday, I guess also since this blog is in part about me sharing myself with you here it goes…

Today was rough in more ways than one. It’s never nice waking up to bad news and I guess waking up to bad news on a Monday could even be worse right? The way it sets you back for the week; making Monday feel like forever and Friday feel so far away. Monday traffic is the worst, it’s like somehow people forget how to drive on the weekend!

Despite all of this a few things made Monday magical: coffee and friends and comfort zones. Coffee for one; because no matter what kind of day you’re having, no matter the weather or the mood you’re in, your cup of coffee just understands! The first sip (whether you burn your tongue or leave your cup to cool for too long), always just somehow replenishes something that’s been missing. It hits that spot, that void and just fills Monday with a little bit of magic. Todays cup of coffee sponsored by one of my favorite baristas – Simphiwe – was made with a great big smile, a few chuckles and an amazing single shot of coffee from the DR Congo. My second dose of magic came from people who are able to make me laugh daily, who I share multiple cups of coffee with and no matter what day of the week, are able to truly make magic happen. Friends are the best people to share a cup of coffee with, multiple cups of coffee with in fact! Today was no difference. I cherish the easiness I have being able to talk and share things with friends when we drink coffee together, specially my dear friend Cuth. We share many cups of coffee together, chat endlessly and laugh a lot. Cuth your wisdom and coffee knowledge and eagerness to always listen to my long long stories (today specifically) was (and always is) totally appreciated. What is it that this cup of coffee plays in friendship circles? Maybe that’s another post for another day… My comfort zones on a moody Monday like today involved the gym and my second home – Bean There Coffee at 44 Stanley – https://www.beanthere.co.za. That magic moment you walk into gym, turn up your music and let your workout just fix your mood is the greatest and a definite Monday fix! After a good gym workout I resorted to my happy place; where I feel entirely at ease, calm and collected and utterly at home at Bean There – it is where I spend most days in fact. Like any other Monday being greeted by the baristas, the familiarity of the roastery, the green couch, pink and white marshmallow jar and of course the amazing aroma from the Probat roaster made me feel completely comforted. Today was an all encompassing comfort day.

Today on moody Monday I cherished a cup of coffee more than any other Monday.