It’s been one month of having you in my life and it still sometimes doesn’t seem real.
I often think how different life would have been if I still lived in Joburg; still hanging out at my favourite coffee shop with the guys tasting coffee behind the bar, being with friends who i loved and spoke often about my dreams and aspirations, shabbos dinners at my parents with Ed and Matthew and hugs and licks from Harvey underneath the table. Despite it all there was a continuous void that lingered inside me, and for so long I just don’t think I knew what it was or what it meant or represented. The constant chase to be truly ‘happy’ and fulfilled and thinking I was when I really wasn’t, or perhaps only properly realising how unhappy and alone I felt when acknowledging how far down the rabbit hole I actually was.
But, with neither of us knowing it, we are here now, coming from two very different worlds into one new one.
you in your new home.
me, with a new companion.
we’re both learning how to live with each other.
I thought a few months down the line I had filled the void I once experienced in Joburg. I do without a doubt know and feel that I am happy here; so much more content, grateful and at peace, less anxious and stressed; I feel like I am a better version of myself -specially with new friends, new experiences, and finally a work life I appreciate and feel appreciated at. The immense change of environment; the sea air and seaweed smells, mountain trails and South Easterly winds have completely changed my life; but I didn’t know I could feel happier, more content and at peace, grounded and centred, more fulfilled
you showed me how I could be even more grateful, and after so much tsores that there was still place in my heart for someone to make it’s way in. Someone as small as you are has taught me so much about life; moving on from hardships, allowing yourself to shift between experiences and people until being settled in a space where you (hopefully and finally) feel at home, to being strong after your trauma and leaving the past behind you, to no longer cowering when your heart skips a beat as you hear skaters on their boards, cars backfiring or crazies screaming and acting foolish around you. You are strong, and you have taught me how to be stronger and conquer fears, fighting off the night terrors with a husky growl and sneaky cuddle.
It has been one month of early morning bathroom breaks on the promenade, obsessing over how small your teeth are, walking for hours and hours across the Atlantic Seaboard, tagging along for iced americanos and many coffee dates, and an endless amount of reassurance of ‘good girl’ and ‘yes Shoshi’ accrediting how amazing you are and how you’re doing better each and every day.
here’s to one month with you,
the sweetest most precious little lady,